Doesn't Mean It's Broken
by averylovesapril
Summary: A collection of Japril one shots received from tumblr prompts.
1. How The World Changes

So, I usually write and post short little one shot prompts to my tumblr; **averylovesapril** , but someone asked me if I could repost them on to here so they were easier to read/find! So this is basically just a collection of one shots I've written on tumblr and I plan to add more once I get a chance!

Enjoy these!

 _Prompt: Could you write the finale from Jackson's point of view?_

His mother always said. For as long as he remembered, she would always say it. Repeat it. Whether she was saying it to him, or to a friend, or whispering it under her breath when something horrendous came on the news. She always said it. So he always remembered. He always promised to use it in his life.

 _ **'Good people raising their babies right, that's how the world changes.'**_

That pat phrase was one he always repeated, as soon as he learned he was going to be a father. He said it with Samuel, even when he lost Samuel. He said it when he found about this baby, and every time he thought about the idea of him raising a child. It comforted him, put his mind at ease, he was a good person, and he could do it, he could raise his baby the right way. He could change the world. But now, in this moment. He hates that phrase. It offers him no comfort, no help, it only creates a deep overwhelming fear in the pit of his stomach, because it didn't matter how good of person he was. It didn't matter how right he raised their child. It didn't matter that he had the opportunity to change the world, it didn't matter. None of it mattered, because he knew in that moment, he couldn't raise a child without her.

Her screams were repeating in his head, over and over, she was so scared and in so much pain. He felt cruel for not trusting Ben, but he couldn't. Every time Jackson felt himself trust him he remembered Ben killed a child. And a mother. He killed a mother.

And now here he was, he tried his best, to calm her, to be there for her, but now the line was cut off. Now any communication he had with her was gone. And this were this pain in his gut this deep burning pain when he thought about how he just has to beg Ben to save both of them. Beside him, Arizona was trying to reconnect the call as a tense but calm Bailey began making calls, to god knows who. "Jackson." Arizona snapped, waking Jackson from his daze, "Did you hear Bailey? They've got an ambulance, with her, they're directing her here. We are going to wait at the ambulance bay, and we will work from there, okay?" Arizona droned out, explaining to Jackson at patting his back as if he was a child. Jackson's mind was elsewhere, as he struggled to focus on Arizona's words, he nodded his head, as the two, with Bailey following close behind, still attempting to make phone calls.

As Arizona decided to prep an OR for April, Jackson and Bailey waited for the ambulance. Jackson expected a million thoughts to be racing through his head, his mind moving non-stop with every possibility, for him to have constant outlook on the fate of his child and his - April. That's what he supposed would happen, when the worst is happening, you expect it to get even worse, that's what he thought would happen. Yet, here he was waiting for an ambulance which carried his possibly dying ex-wife and child, and he was just blank. He was frozen. He couldn't think about anything. He wasn't going to get hopeful, because hope is dangerous, because if things do crash and burn, it'll be even worse to fall from the high hopes, so you think, maybe it's better to be completely negative, believe the worst possible scenario, just so you can experience that adrenalin from a good outcome. That's what he believed, that he would think the worse, would have no faith or hope, unlike her, she would, well he thought in this situation he would be thinking the worse, you'd think he'd at least be thinking about something. But he wasn't, his mind was blank, he heard no sounds, his vision was focused on where the ambulance would arrive, the thought on his head seemed to be timer, it was as if everything was moving in slow motion. Everything was so still, even with all the movement all around him, all the chaos, his mind was still, blank, empty. All at a pause.

The red and blue lights blinding his eyes, his minds only thought was move. Slowly everything began to un-pause, as he moved towards the ambulance, as the doors swung open, and he saw her lying there, practically lifeless, as he saw how all attention surrounded her, helping her breathe, fixing her wounds, saving her life, he had to scream her name, it was his only thought nothing else, he couldn't think about anything else, just her, as he grabbed the ambu bag, rested his hand on her head, anything he could do was for her, because in the moment she was his only thought.

From everything being still, paused, dead, just moments ago, everything was now moving so quickly, so rapidly. She was pulled away from him, to an OR, and it let him stop, let him breathe, and he finally thought about someone else. Bailey pulled on his arm, leading him away from the OR, "She'll be okay." She whispered. "Meet your daughter."

A small gurgle was erupting from the tiny person, as Jackson took her into his arms, a small gasp fell from his mouth as he took in all her details, she had these soft, chubby cheeks decorated with her mom's dimples and his freckles, her nose and mouth reminded him of April's, as they sleekly spread across her face, her eyes locked onto his and he was met with her pretty mixture brown green eyes that was molded perfectly from her parents. her skin was similar to his and she seemed to have a soft glow surrounding her tiny body. She was perfect. "You look just like your momma." He whispered to her, as she grabbed onto her fathers finger. "I love you, baby. Me and your mom, we love you so much." He whispered down her again. Bailey watched down in awe, as Jackson sat down on a gurney, fearing still churning through his stomach at the thought of April's fate, till Bailey assured that she was okay, that she was safe, that she was nearly out of surgery, and it he felt a deep feeling of relief spread through him as he completely agreed with what Bailey said to him, she's got a strong mother.

Jackson went to wait in April's room with their daughter in tow, as they moved April out of post op. Arizona promised him the surgery went well, that there would be no long term deficits. That she was lucky. Sitting on a couch in April's room, he looked down at their daughter, she had latched onto his thumb and was making a constant string of new sounds which made Jackson's heart beat harder every time. "Hi, baby girl. You're gonna make me a promise okay? You have to do this for me, because I promised someone else this, but I guess I forgot, I let it go, and I ruined everything. So you got to promise me this, _If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there. You've got to do that, you've got to stand up, and fight for love, even though I didn't, I let her go, don't ever let anyone you love go, okay?"_

Hearing the door open, Jackson snapped up his head, watching as April tilted her head up from the bed she was being rolled in on, a glow practically surrounding her and a small smile was spread across her face.

 _ **"April, meet our daughter."**_


	2. Tell Me What I Need To Hear

This was written before the finale aired as prediction for the finale, so this can now be an alternative way the finale could've gone! Enjoy!

 _ **There was so much blood, Jackson. I know we see it all the time. But I just - I just didn't think it was ever going to stop.**_

He remembered April telling him that. He remembered the fear in her voice when she spoke about her patient that day. She was pregnant with Samuel, before they knew anything was wrong. He told her that their baby was fine, and so was she. He was wrong then. But as he repeated it now, he wanted more than anything to know that he was right.

He was sitting in the relatives room. Karev was sitting with him, he was the one who locked the plastic surgeon in. Jackson's mind was flooded with images of April Kepner. Of their life together, and just like tonight, everything happened so fast.

 _6 hours earlier_

"Okay! Damn it! Whoever is listening, hear me out! I need to get to her! So move this damn car, stop this damn storm! Please!" Jackson shouted into the dark, empty street leading up to Meredith's house.

"God? You there? Remember me, we spoke the last time I had a kid. Hear me out okay? Move this car, so I can see my next kids birth. You know what happened last time right?! So you know that I need to be there to hold her hand!" The plastic surgeon scoffed in the drivers seat of his stalled car which now a collapsed tree in front of it. "Well, at least you didn't kill me with that tree!" He screamed to the sky. He wasn't quite sure why he was screaming at an invisible man in the sky right now, maybe it was because he had no cell phone reception, or there was no sign of his life in this area for another two miles. Or maybe he just needed to rant to someone, so you what? 'God' was going to have to put up with it.

"What do you need me to say to make this stupid car move. Or the lighting to stop so I didn't killed running to her. Or how about sending someone to pick me up. Come on! Give someone an epiphany to help me! I hear you do all the time, my patients often tell me you told them to get a boob job!" Jackson shouted out, frustrated, banging his hands on the car dashboard.

There was no point in him leaving his car. Getting struck by lightning wasn't going to help anyone. He checked his phone. Still no signal through this bitch of a storm. He played the last message that was left on his phone, the one that made get stuck here in the first place.

"Avery! It's uh - Ben. I'm here with Kepner, she's uh - she's in labour. Man, she's in pain, I've called an ambulance but with the storm - I don't know if she can - Jackson, she just she needs you. She needs you here, so please just find us." In the background of the message he could April's muffled sobs and moans in pain. He didn't want to go through that alone. He even felt a little bad for the nerves he felt built up in him, when he thought Ben being left with his April and his un-born child, when he thought about the last time Ben was in that situation. He could the distress in Ben's voice, he was scared. He was terrified. So here Jackson was. Praying to God. That's what he would do for April Kepner.

"Oh. So that's what you needed to hear! Well, that's strange, I thought you knew all! I thought you knew what we thought before we did, asshole! Okay well fine, I just didn't want to hurt her again. She's still in pain, she looks at me, and I know it's all my fault, so don't pit her though it again! Because once I say it out loud, I won't stop there. Come on you know this, right! I'm the wedding crasher!" Jackson shouted out. "God? Yeah you. You seriously need me to say this to fix it. To help her. Because I want to, I want to tell her, but I can't handle breaking her again. And I know I will, I don't want to but -" Jackson lowered his now screams, and softly gasped and closed his eyes for a minute. "Okay, fine. Yes, I love her! I love April Kepner. She's my everything, I want her, no I don't just want her, I need her. I let her go, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. We both know that. Right?! Is that why you gave us this baby? To fix my mistake and help me realise I love her? Because I do, I love her so much, I love her more than anything, she's my everything, and I love my child and I love that she is my child's mother. But I broke her. So should I try? Should I try and fix it?!" Jackson was exasperated, shouting into the street.

He loved her. A flush of relief fell through him when he said. He didn't want her. He needed her. "Please. Should I try and fix us?" He asked her God once more.

His heart nearly stopped when he heard a gasped out, "Yes." His head began to spin and know he believed that tree really did fall on him. Maybe he was dead. He looked down at his phone. Not dead. No. He just had phone signal. And he was a phone call with Ben Warren. A 7 minute and 54 second phone call, which had April Kepner on the other line. He quickly pulled the phone to his ear. "Jackson?" She softly gasped, it killed him, to hear her in pain. "April where is Ben? Is he with you?" He asked her, in a panic. "Ye - yes. He's just waiting for the ambulance. Outside. He's just getting the ambulance." She breathed out, heavily moaning in pain. "Breathe for me April." Jackson told her. "Did you really mean all that?" April said sternly, just before he heard her curse through another contraction. "Of course I did." Jackson whispered. "I know." April whispered back. "I love you too." She laughed out. And so did he. "We are going to fix us okay? I won't hurt you again. I promise." Jackson told her. "I won't hurt you." She repeated. Jackson softly smiled, this felt like vows. "I love you April Kepner." He said but was met with a stone called silence. "April? Warren?" He asked. He lost signal again. "Crap! Damn it!" He shouted out to the sky once again. She sounded far into labour, she sounded like she was in pain. She needed him. "Move this damn car, I said it, okay?! I promise I'll love her, I fix her!" Suddenly, he heard sirens and bright flashing lights come behind him, as he jumped out of his car, they stopped beside him. A paramedic shouted out the ambulance window, "Is that a tree?! Crap." Jackson nodded. "Are you driving up here? Pregnant woman in labour, 35." He shouted out, as the rain soaked from him. "You with her." The paramedic asked. "I need to be." The paramedic nodded and let Jackson jump in, it wasn't safe for him to be out there. "The oxygen tank." Jackson whispered - mainly to himself - as he stepped inside the ambulance. The paramedic nodded. "I'll do my best." He said turning the ambulance to avoid the fallen tree.

They came outside of Meredith's house. "Stay here." The paramedic ordered him. Jackson thought he heard say his name was Sean. But he wasn't paying attention the only thing his brain could process right now was thoughts about a red-headed trauma surgeon. He sat in the ambulance as the two paramedics rushed into the house. He wanted to move. See her. But he wasn't sure if he could. He didn't if he should. Maybe Ben gave her something, maybe she didn't mean what she told him earlier. Maybe she thought she was going to die and didn't want to leave him with nothing. He sat alone in the dark ambulance for what felt like hours. Ben emerged first. Covered in blood.

"35 year old Jane Doe. 36 weeks pregnant. Was given an emergency C-section by surgical intern friend before we got there." The paramedic spoke out, before Jackson emerged from the ambulance. "Not a Jane doe. April Kepner. Surgical resident Ben Warren gave her the C-section.. I know no details, I don't know what he used. He's in shock." Jackson repeated surprised with how calm he sounded. He looked at Ben, covered in her blood, his head hung, silent tears falling from his eyes. Jackson knew it was an impossible situation, he wanted to feel bad for him. But he couldn't. When he looked at the 'love of his life' as his friend was phrase it, when he looked at her, unconscious on an ambulance gurney. He hated his friend.

Jackson looked at the shocked team of surgeons. His friends. His family. He saw flashes of faces. Hunt who looked a miss for someone was getting married. There was Meredith and Riggs. Bailey. Robbins. Alex. He saw faces. But he didn't care who. "Save her. Please." The doctors sprung into action to work on their perky trauma surgeon friend. Jackson rushed into the ER with them. They wanted let he touch her. They were working non-stop. Accessing her. Shouting. Now they were taking up to the OR. Jackson grabbed Baileys arm. "Chief. Save her." Jackson repeated looking eyes with the Chief of Surgery, who looked almost ghost like. "I'll try." She told him. She left. Jackson fell to the ground and sobbed. He didn't care who saw. All that he cared about was April and his child. He just remembered Alex Karev helping him up and looking him in the relatives room. Where he was sitting now. Scared to breathe.

 _" . We've got an update on your girls."_


	3. Sweet Dreams

**Prompt: Set in the 13A, Jackson has a dream where he and April are happily married with Harriet.**

 _"I love you." She whispers, red curls floating around her head and falling onto his chest, she rests her chin and looks up at him, giggling._

 _He felt that tight, fluttering feeling in his chest as he leaned down to kiss her swollen lips, "I love you too."_

 _She sat up, as if to signal that she was going to move away from the bed, he daringly placed his hands on her waist. "No." She giggled, smile bright and eyebrows raised._

 _He doesn't listen though, instead sits up himself, placing kisses along her jaw right down to her neck and torso, any previous attempts to move away from him are left behind, as she lets him take control, a few soft moans escaping her lips. "Okay, okay, she is going to be up any minute. Let's not traumatise her please." She suggested, head titled slightly, her wide smile flashed._

 _The plastic surgeon placed his last kiss on her lips as she pulled on a nightgown, and sat up next to her husband on the bed._

 _They heard little thumps head down the hall, and after a small struggle with the door handle, their little girl stood, he thinks she is just like his wife, beautiful, small, the kindest heart, the strongest determination, and a hard-working attitude, but she thinks that she is just like her husband, willing to give up anything for others, a natural leader, his beautiful eyes, his dark curls. Little do they know, she's a perfect mix of both._

 _"Mama, Daddy!" Their daughter giggles, hopping into the bed with the help of her father's hands. "It's time to get up!"_

 _"You're right, sweetheart, I'm going to take you to the hospital today and you can see all your friends at daycare, but Mama's gotta stay here and rest." He says sweetly, trying to reason with the girl._

 _"Mama not coming?" Her lip quivers a little, as she chokes out her confused concerns._

 _"Mama has to rest up with the baby, doctors orders." He explains._

 _"My Mama is a doctor! She can make her own orders." Their daughter squeals, stubborn like her mother._

 _She has to laugh at her daughter's determination, before she speaks up, April lifts her nightgown up a little to reveal her very pregnant anatomy to her child, "See my belly baby? I'm growing a little brother or sister for our family. Growing another human is tough work, sweetie. So I'm going to stay here and rest up so we all get a perfectly healthy brother or sister, okay?" The redhead explains confidently._

 _He admires her, the way she connects with her daughter, always knows exactly what to say._

 _"Okay Mama. Can I kiss the baby bye-bye?" The little girl enquires, already moving closer to her mother's bump._

 _"Yes, swetie but be careful." He offers, and she nods, placing a tiny kiss on her mother's stomach, then her mother's cheek. "Bye-bye Mama! I love you lots."_

 _"I love you a whole lot too, Harriet." Her mother says, running her hand over her daughter's cheek. "Be good for Daddy today." She says in a quick whisper, to which her daughter silently nods._

 _She tots out of the room to pick her clothes for the day, mumbling about how she really hopes the baby is a sister._

 _He leans over her, places a kiss on her forehead, and on her bump, alike to how her daughter did. "Thank you for taking care of our family, I'm so lucky to have you."_

 _She smiles at him, kisses his lips, and as he moves away from the bed,_ **he awakens.**

* * *

It's Harriet's squeals of delight that wake him, only this Harriet is a far younger than the one his dream formed.

April and their little girl are already in the kitchen when he gets out of bed, the smell of fresh coffee and eggs filling the room, Harriet rests on her mother's hip, a sight that Jackson takes a moment to admire.

"Good morning." He announces, sitting at one of the seats at the breakfast bench.

"Is that your daddy, huh?" April asks their daughter perkily, as his daughter peeks up at him and giggles, he stands up to take her in his arms.

"Sorry I'm up so late." The plastic surgeon apologies, "She must have been a handful all morning."

"No, no. I thought I'd let you sleep in, because last night, was the first night that are baby girl slept the whole way through the night."

He notices then, that he didn't have to wake up and tend to his daughter last night, causing him to smile proudly at her.

"First night in weeks that I have had sweet dreams. You?" April says, smiling at him.

Jackson feels uncomfortable for a second, she's only asking how he slept, but to him, she's making him face the fact that the life in his dream, is one that his wants so badly, he needs it, he dreads that he doesn't have that life, that he doesn't have her, or that dream family, she's oblivious to that, but he can't help to want to repeat that dream every night. He can't help but hurt that she might not that dream, he can't but hurt because he has lost her, and that life.

"Yeah, sweet dreams." He says, quietly.

"The best."

* * *

 _Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't updated this in forever, I've been super busy with school, and if anyone is wondering about my other fanfic, I'm trying to update that as soon as possible, but I just felt really inspired by this prompt! I like this idea, as heartbreaking as it is, I think it makes sense judging by how Jackson didn't want April to move out and was upset about her date. So, I hope this was enjoyed, I struggled with how to end this oneshot, but nevertheless, I hope it makes sense!_

 _Thanks for reading, reviews are really appreciated!_


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